Endurance
by Mevenia
Summary: Decided to add a second chapter lemon.  Sometimes the one who seems weak isn't the one that needs protecting or reassurance. Yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

warnings: (very) light yaoi, will do more if I add more chapters

Disclaimer: I own nothing that is bleach, nor do I profit from my admiration

Endurance

He was so exasperated. For once he wished he could rip out his ailing lungs and fight unimpeded like anyone else. He was so tired of having to calculate every move he made to ensure he didn't set off another debilitating attack. The hollow in front of him seemed momentarily confused as the white haired shinigami paused to cough lightly. Recovering quickly, he leapt above the Hollow to drive his zanpakto through its bone mask before it remembered to swipe him with its claws. Landing gracefully he looked around to see the remaining Hollows swiftly taken care of by his subordinates before allowing his protesting body to hack up more blood.

"Taichou. All of the Hollows have been cleansed with minimal injury."

The exhausted captain nodded at his third seat before waving his hand in an order to fall back to Seireitei. The training exercise was a success. Several new graduates had completed their first Hollow raid and nearly all had come through unscathed. Coughing a few more times, the slender captain spit the last of the blood out before heading back to his quarters to change and take a bath.

When he got to his office, his third seats had already written the preliminary reports and gone home. Making sure that everyone had been accounted for, he poured himself some green tea that Kiyone had thoughtfully prepared before she left for the night. It was almost still hot. Sighing, he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to relieve a dull ache that was growing there. His eyes remained closed as he heard a familiar step outside his door moments before it opened with a cool breeze and the scent of rose petals.

"Hello handsome."

Jushiro smiled and opened his eyes tiredly to greet his old friend.

"Shunsui, I thought for sure you would be out already. It is well past sunset."

The big man chuckled softly and went over to sit by his tired friend.

"I felt you could use some company tonight, I heard all went well."

Shunsui raised an eyebrow as if he questioned his statement. What he didn't say was that he sensed Jushiro's reiatsu was different tonight. It was still soothing on its edges, but like the sea his friend loved so deeply, the surface remained calm while the depths hid ominous undercurrents.

He wasn't sure why it was different tonight, but Kyouraku was uneasy and he wanted to make sure that his friend was truly unharmed from the earlier exercise. Seeing Jushiro seemingly unaffected didn't calm his unease as much as he would have liked.

"Shunsui? You seem tense."

Jushiro was surprised at the big man's reigned in stress. It wasn't like Shunsui to be nervous, nor was it like him to be over visiting with vague concerns. Unfortunately, his presence did little to detract from Jushiro's growing headache. Pinching his nose again, Jushiro stifled a sigh as he waited for Shunsui to tell him what was bothering him, trying not to fidget under the big man's measured gaze.

"Jushiro, something feels off. I don't know what it is exactly, almost as if you are about to get sick but it isn't quite the…whoa!"

Jushiro's head jerked up as he realized e had fallen asleep within seconds of Shunsui's explanation. Appalled, he looked up into startled brown eyes that seemed to mirror his own confusion.

"I'm sorry Shunsui…I…I guess I'm just worn out. I was going to take a bath and go to bed early tonight."

Frowning, Shunsui nodded and helped his friend get up. He followed Jushiro to his sleeping quarters and beyond to the washroom, helping to draw steaming water into the bath. Shivering, Jushiro quickly undressed and lowered himself into the bath. Shunsui watched for a moment before removing his own clothes. He was careful not to disturb Jushiro as he got in behind him and pulled the slender man against him. Sighing contentedly, Jushiro relaxed against the broad chest and closed his eyes.

Absently he played with the ends of his hair and thought for the hundredth time about cutting it all off so he wouldn't have to worry about it. He smiled as Shunsui's big hands gently pulled the silky strands free from his fingers. He shivered when he heard Shunsui's husky voice in his ear.

"Don't even think about it."

Snorting inelegantly, Jushiro rolled his eyes. "It's such a pain to take care of. It is much more manageable when it's short, like the academy days. Besides, I already look old with it being white, I don't want to look like a woman with it being long."

He felt the broad chest behind him rumble as his friend laughed at his exasperation.

"Ah Jushiro, all the women of Seireitei are jealous of your beautiful hair. And you don't look old. If it weren't white, you'd look prepubescent."

Jushiro rolled his eyes again. It was an argument they'd had countless times throughout the centuries since the Academy. He did like his hair, but it was a pain to take care of and he did feel old at times.

Lurching, he suddenly began coughing violently, his entire body going rigid as he tried to stifle the oncoming blood. Shunsui pulled his hair back while he wrapped a thick arm around Jushiro's contracting abdomen to keep the lean man from plunging forward into the water. Usually Jushiro would relax into Shunsui's arm but this time he struggled against it with a strength that belied his slight stature.

"Jushiro! Don't fight it!"

Jushiro coughed more blood into the water before his whole body suddenly went limp. Standing up and dragging Jushiro up with both arms, Shunsui lifted his friend out of the now pink water and shunpo'd to his futon. Alarmed, Shunsui flared his reiatsu to try and get a response from Jushiro but his friend's reiatsu failed to counter and intertwine with his own as it usually did. Shunsui threw on a kimono and grabbed another to wrap around his friend before quickly shunpo-ing to the Fourth Division.

Encountering a lower seated officer at the infirmary, Shunsui barked out orders to get Unohana as he brought Jushiro to the all too familiar room that was kept ready specifically for him. Laying him down gently on the bed, Shunsui moved to the side in order to allow Unohana faster access to her most frequent patient. Beads of sweat were gathering on Jushiro's forehead and he started coughing quietly again.

Unohana appeared moments later and began to check all of Jushiro's vitals.

"What happened Kyouraku Taichou?" She asked calmly.

"His reiatsu felt different so I came to check on him. He complained of a headache and at one point fell asleep quite suddenly. He began coughing violently in the bath and his body went so rigid I thought he would snap his backbone. He coughed up a lot of blood and eventually passed out before I brought him here. I've never seen this happen before."

Unohana nodded calmly and continued to administer to the white haired captain. Inside she was worried. She knew that Jushiro's condition was worsening and that there was little they could do for him other than to try and make him comfortable. Though she would never want to face him in battle, she still wondered why Soutaichou Yamamoto had promoted and retained him as a captain.

Cautiously, she sent her reiatsu out to feel his response. Shunsui started in surprise when he felt her reiatsu gently brush his. Curious, he reigned his in so that she could continue what she was doing unimpeded. He felt Jushiro's reiatsu spike slightly and then gasped again as Unohana suddenly flared hers to attack level. Flaring his own instinctively, he grabbed her arm in warning.

"Be still Kyouraku Taichou! I need to fully assess Ukitake Taichou's health." They watched Jushiro struggle against the stifling reiatsu before it snuffed out. Unohana looked up at Shunsui and waited until he met her saddened eyes.

"Shunsui," He startled at her drop of honorifics. "Soutaichou Yamamoto predicted that his health would increasingly fail and that I should notify him when I think the damage has reached a certain point. We all knew that he would likely die young from his disease." Gently, she laid her hand on Jushiro's shoulder and looked down at the slender man. "His reiatsu has indeed changed. I'm not sure what it means, but I'm afraid it doesn't feel good."

She paused to look back down at her old friend and in a move that both surprised and disconcerted Shunsui in its honesty, she leaned over to softly brush Jushiro's stubborn bang from his face and kiss him softly on the forehead.

Quietly she bowed slightly and retreated from the room. Shunsui felt the walls cave in and it was suddenly hard to breathe. Vaguely he wondered if this was what it felt like for Jushiro on a good day and squeezed his eyes shut. It couldn't be, not yet! It was too soon. There were too many days left to sit on the roof drinking sake and sipping tea. There were too many times to jump out and scare Jushiro while he peacefully gardened. There were too many times yet to try and make the serene and constant captain jealous of his flirtations with women. Most importantly, there were too many times to try and make the beautiful white haired captain understand how much he needed him, body and soul.

For the first time in years, Shunsui felt the first tendrils of despair welling up in his chest and tried to calm down before his reiatsu exploded. Fearing the soul numbing depression he fell into during his youth when he first came to the Academy, Shunsui laid down next to the pale captain and buried his face into the soft, snowy hair. Squeezing his eyes shut, he breathed in Jushiro's familiar scent of lavender and salt and willed himself to an uneasy sleep.

***********

The next morning, Jushiro was up early. Startled he recognized the infirmary and felt a familiar lump next to him. Shunsui was snoring lightly and Jushiro thought he looked exhausted. His headache was gone and he was having trouble remembering how he got to the infirmary exactly. When memories didn't come, he shrugged it off and waited for either a nurse to come in or for Shunsui to wake up. As if on cue, someone lightly tapped on the door frame.

"Come in." He called softly. Hanataro walked in shyly and set a tray loaded with food down in front of him.

"Ukitake Taichou, I've brought you and Kyouraku Taichou some breakfast. Unohana Taichou gave me the message that she will be stopping by shortly with Sou…Soutaichou Ya..Yamamoto."

Jushiro pretended not to notice the nervous boy's stutter in saying the Soutaichou's name. Instead, Jushiro smiled kindly at Hanataro and thanked him for the breakfast. Bowing, Hanataro retreated quickly from the room.

Jushiro briefly considered waiting for Shunsui to wake up before starting to eat, but his stomach protested and he reasoned that Shunsui surely wouldn't mind if he started without him. Halfway through the tray, Shunsui chuckled and propped himself up on his elbows.

"You must eat more than anyone in Seireitei…Soifon should speak to you about Omaeda." Shunsui gently grabbed Jushiro's wrist and paused to marvel at how such a slender wrist could wield a sword with such ferocity.

"I just have a high level of reiatsu." Jushiro expertly twisted his wrist free in order to continue eating the persimmon in his hand.

"Definitely more than Omaeda" Shunsui waited for an exasperated response as he slid his hand down Jushiro's side.

"It's too early to be rude Shunsui…" Jushiro batted his wandering hand away.

"You're cute when you get riled" Shunsui let his hand rest on Jushiro's hip.

"Shunsui…" Jushiro warned as he wriggled away from Shunsui's heavy hand.

Chuckling, Shunsui sat up and grabbed a bowl of rice. Jushiro unconsciously moved back towards Shunsui until their legs were touching. Suddenly, Shunsui felt frustrated. Whenever confronted with affection, Jushiro shied away. But, whenever Jushiro was distracted, he always moved back. Shunsui was suddenly and uncharacteristically irritated with the charade.

"Jushiro, why is loving me so uncomfortable for you. Hasn't hundreds of years been enough time to get over it?"

Startled, Jushiro's expressive hazel eyes shuttered as he saw the pain and hurt in his friend's deep brown eyes.

He didn't want to have this conversation today. To be honest, he never wanted to have this conversation.

***********

Years ago, their roles had been reversed. He had always been the one quietly looking after the handsome man in front of him as that man walked off with a girl on each arm. He had always been the one asking Shunsui whether he loved him or not and was always left feeling slightly hollow when the big man laughed and said that they were brothers in arms. When their relationship turned physical, Jushiro had been shocked at how much he wanted Shunsui despite his initial hesitation. From that point on, Jushiro had never looked at anyone else for a relationship again.

Though Shunsui knew of Jushiro's condition from early on, it was years before he actually witnessed a coughing fit. Jushiro never forgot that day when Shunsui's eyes shuttered with pity as Jushiro was on his knees attempting to stifle the blood spewing with each breath. Horrified, Jushiro had quickly fled to the washroom and waited until Shunsui had left. It had taken two years of awkward silences before Jushiro finally broke down and asked Shunsui if he was too repulsed to touch him again. Shunsui had replied that Jushiro was too fragile. Stunned and hurt more than he thought possible, Jushiro had walked away from Shunsui and the tatters of their relationship only to immerse himself in training.

It was at that point that they both were promoted captains of the newly formed Gotei 13 and no longer shared a room. Grateful for the separation and distance, their friendship grew again without any physical entanglements as they learned to lead their divisions. After a particularly difficult fight with a Hollow, Jushiro fell when a coughing fit left him open to attack.

Feeling his reiatsu flare and then snuff out, Shunsui had abandoned his division in a panic to search out his friend. Finding him torn and broken, Shunsui was convinced more than ever that the beautiful captain was too fragile to interfere with. However, he was honest enough to admit that his own life would be incomplete without Jushiro anchoring the parts of him that were truly important.

Jushiro survived that attack; he always survived hollow attacks as if his fate was to die only by his disease. Though their friendship grew closer and more intense, Jushiro silently suffered as Shunsui continued to seek out beautiful women. Once he had explained to Jushiro that though he loved beautiful women, he always came back to Jushiro.

Bitterly, Jushiro noted that Shunsui could easily say he loved all of the faceless, nameless women he had slept with but refused to say it to Jushiro. He knew that Shunsui cared for him, that he was maybe the most important person in Shunsui's life, but it still ate at him that Shunsui would never openly acknowledge it.

He had made up his mind that he was satisfied with what they had and he didn't need any of the affirmations traditional in an intimate relationship. Recognizing that he held this against his friend and lover, Jushiro struggled to accept Shunsui's explanation that words were just decoration, intended to flatter but never to promise.

Eventually they fell into the easy pattern of best friends by day and lovers by night with Jushiro keeping the boundaries firmly in place while Shunsui teasingly pushed them around. It amused Jushiro endlessly when Shunsui's game was turned around on him with his new lieutenant Yadomaru Lisa and it amused him further when Shunsui unexpectedly grew jealous of his own lieutenant, child prodigy Shiba Kaien. The loss of Lisa had nearly undone Shunsui, and Jushiro later realized when he lost Kaien and Miyako that Yamamoto sensei had been correct: Jushiro was the stronger of them.

When Shunsui's new lieutenant Ise Nanao was promoted, Jushiro's resolve for boundaries was further strengthened. He didn't know what it was he and Shunsui had but he determined to keep it neatly packaged and mostly hidden. He would defend Shunsui until death, he would support Shunsui through anything, he would surrender his body to Shunsui. The long years with Shunsui had finally taught him that he would never obtain what he had long wanted most from his difficult friend and therefore he almost defiantly no longer sought it out.

***********

"Shunsui, I don't understand what you mean. We are brothers in arms and longtime friends. You already have everything I can give." Jushiro said carefully, well aware that Shunsui knew he was not answering the question Shunsui was really asking.

***********

Shunsui wanted to slap that beautiful face with its unending supply of quiet confidence. He _hated_ that he needed Jushiro so much more than Jushiro needed him. It was always Shunsui that ran when he felt Jushiro's reiatsu flicker. It was always him seeking Jushiro out and trying to provoke him through flirting or exasperation.

Of course, everything came so easily to Jushiro. He never second guessed himself, always able to strike with devastating assurance and impeccable technique. Yama-jii counseled with him, and the other captains respected him more than any other of their rank. His division adored him and shinigami outside his division flocked to him for advice and comfort. His sense of justice never wavered, and dammit if he wasn't so breathtakingly beautiful. It frustrated Shunsui that Jushiro was unaware of his effect on everyone around him, particularly his effect on Shunsui.

He remembered that night long ago when he first saw Jushiro on his knees, barely able to breathe with blood dripping between his fingers as he tried to suppress the noise. Though he had known exactly what coughing did to his friend, Shunsui was completely unprepared to see Jushiro battling so violently against his own body. He remembered the look of panic in Jushiro's eyes right before he fled to the washroom.

At that point, Shunsui had resolved to protect Jushiro in any way possible; to make his life easier so that there would be fewer flare ups in his lungs. He resolved to be less of a burden on Jushiro and to stop monopolizing the beautiful man's time. Surprisingly, Shunsui began to focus more on his own schooling and training. He was already a large man with good skills but he developed into an excellent tactician in class and an uncanny judge of character. He drank slightly less and slept around slightly more. When he and Jushiro would briefly pass each other in the barracks, they were friendly if casual.

One night, Shunsui unexpectedly went back to sleep in the barracks after being at the bar and was devastated to see Jushiro asleep on his futon with his arms wrapped around a girl from their class. Shunsui fled back to the bar and avoided Jushiro completely for a week.

It was about a year after that when a drunk Jushiro finally cornered him at a party and fiercely kissed him. Shocked, Shunsui didn't know how to react and stood stiffly until Jushiro pulled away. With moonlight illuminating his pale face and anguish in his eyes, Jushiro had demanded to know why Shunsui had given up on him. Hating that it would hurt Jushiro even more, Shunsui had told him that he was afraid of breaking him, even though he wanted the slender man more than anything. Jushiro had reacted as if he'd been slapped and had stumbled back into the party. It was at that point that Jushiro emerged as a natural leader, full of charisma and a reiatsu that eclipsed everyone except Soutaichou Yamamoto.

Shunsui remembered the night he first thought Jushiro had been killed. It had been snowing and his division was a wreck. Everyone was fighting back in the early days before the Gotei 13 had solidified into organized ranks and battle was more chaos than militaristic precision.

Shunsui always knew where Jushiro was, his formidable reiatsu made him hard to miss. When it flared searingly bright and then snuffed out, Shunsui found himself shunpo-ing away from his beleaguered division. Panicking he saw Jushiro's body tossed near a tree, his division already around him and the hollows sufficiently repelled. His torso had been torn open from one collarbone to his hip with cold precision. Some of his viscera were already protruding from the gash and his leg was bent backward underneath him. His zanpakuto was still in his grip and his eyes were open and glassy. One arm was nearly severed at the elbow and one of his subordinates was vainly trying to perform healing kido.

Luckily Unohana had been nearby and was at his side quickly. She released her bankai and swept Jushiro away from the field. Shunsui was never quite sure how Jushiro survived or what Unohana had done to save his life, but when he saw Jushiro laying in the Fourth division recovering, he broke down. He wept openly at his idea of protecting Jushiro by leaving him alone to which the recovering man reacted by turning away, embarassed. Slightly desperate, Shunsui had grabbed Jushiro's face and pulled it towards him roughly. Pausing for only a second, he kissed Jushiro with all of the passion, hurt, desperation and yearning he possessed to try and make the injured man understand. Jushiro had hesitated infinitesimally before he finally, roughly, tangled his fingers in Shunsui's hair and kissed him back with equal passion, hurt, desperation and yearning. From that point on, Shunsui no longer avoided his friend, emotionally or physically, and in the beginning he failed to notice that Jushiro always held a little back.

***********

Jushiro coughed politely to pull Shunsui back into the present moment. Sighing, Shunsui decided not to press the issue tonight. "Never mind Jushiro, it doesn't matter."

Jushiro was thankful that the conversation had been put off yet again and suddenly felt extremely tired. Smiling at his friend, he set down his empty bowl and chopsticks and rested his head against the big man's shoulder. Surprised, Shunsui wrapped an arm around his friend, briefly squeezing the chiseled bicep before he relaxed. Tiredly he pulled them both back to lay down and closed his eyes.

"I thought we just got up?" Jushiro asked, amusement in his voice.

"Well, there's only two things to do in bed, and I'm pretty sure you don't want to do my first choice…" Shunsui was half hopeful that Jushiro wouldn't be a prude, but centuries of experience told him not to get excited.

"Shunsui, you never change." Jushiro's voice sounded playful, but underneath was a bitterness unusual for the gentle captain. Before Shunsui could question his friend, Jushiro laid down and rolled to face away from him, effectively shutting down.

Jushiro reminded himself that what he had with Shunsui was enough and that it was selfish to want more when the big man wasn't able to give more than he already had. Shunsui would always need to be surrounded by vivacious, pretty things…by life. What more could he offer with his dying body and his traditional idea of one person, one relationship.

He'd just have to do as he's always done his whole life: endure.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hello everyone! Thank you all so much for your kind and constructive reviews. I hadn't intended to write additional chapters as this is such a well-loved pairing and it's very hard for me to write at a level I think their relationship deserves...however here we are :) I know some people were very curious as to what Jushiro's health scare/worsening symptoms were but I'm sorry to say that isn't addressed in this chapter. I think any reality would be less scary as the unknown...hopefully you enjoy.

Warnings: Yaoi

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is Bleach nor do I profit from my admiration.

* * *

Unohana released Jushiro later that day without any further explanation. Shunsui looked apprehensively at her when she came in without Soutaichou Yamamoto but there was no hint of her earlier sadness. Feeling uneasy, Shunsui helped Jushiro change clothes and wash up. Jushiro seemed more energized than he had in months and he was anxious to get back to his own quarters. Shunsui walked him back to the 13th division and made sure his friend was settled in before he reluctantly made his way back to his own barracks. It had been awhile since he last had some sake and he knew his lovely Nanao-chan would be waiting for him…hopefully in a good mood. Sensing her pacing in front of his desk, probably with a stack of reports in one arm and that cursed book in the other he gave up on the chance of afternoon sake. Sighing, he adjusted his hat and outer kimono before opening the door and pouncing on his exasperated lieutenant.

* * *

Jushiro was relieved to be back in his own division. He opened all of the windows and made some fresh tea. Strangely, he felt better than he had in a long time. He sat down at his desk and worked without pause for six hours, finishing the paperwork that his third seats had assiduously prepared for him. Stretching he walked to his back porch so that he could sit and watch the sunset. He was startled to see a figure already there, looking out over the pond. Smiling, he walked to the solitary figure and sat down, close but not touching.

"Senpai, we were worried about you."

"Ah, I'm so sorry, it was just a small incident. Nothing to be concerned about." Jushiro calmly brushed his hair out of his eyes.

"Shunsui said it was different this time."

"Shunsui is always overly protective of my…condition. It is always harder to be on the sideline watching a battle than fighting in the middle of it, you know that. This is no different."

"Why won't you let anyone do anything? Kurotsuchi, Inoue…Kisuke…" the last name was said hesitantly.

Jushiro looked at his longtime friend and noticed her fierce eyes were shining. Somewhat firmly but gently he said, "Yoruichi, you know my philosophy. This may not be a battle for my life, but it is equally important."

Yoruichi angrily swiped at her eyes and pulled her knees up to rest her arms on. "Senpai, you've taught me well all these years, but I still don't understand why you refuse any kind of treatment. Especially after all you've accomplished…you wouldn't lose anything except physical weakness by curing your disease."

The two sat in silence for a long time while Jushiro tried to compose his turbulent thoughts. Yoruichi got a hold of her earlier emotions and sat motionless save for the wind blowing her hair softly.

"Yoru-chan…" they both smiled… "what do you think I've lost from this illness and what do you think I've gained?"

"Your strength, though formidable, would be so much greater than even Shunsui. You could overtake Yama-jii even." She hesitated, "Kaien…" Jushiro closed his eyes. That was one major regret he held, despite the fact that Kaien had already been infected by the Hollow when Jushiro's coughing had impeded his ability to defend Rukia.

"And gained?"

Yoruichi paused. She wasn't dumb by any means, but she was much more suited to tactics and strategy than philosophy. She shrugged and waited for Jushiro to instruct her, like old times.

"Would I be as strong as I am now if I always had it easy? You think I could be so much stronger without my disease based on how great my strength is now. What if I would never have made it to this level if I didn't have the challenge? Would Kaien have been as good a lieutenant had he not been required to step up in my division? Would he have developed the same had he been Zaraki or Byakuya's lieutenant? Would my subordinates or any shinigami feel as comfortable coming to me with their concerns and fears if they didn't believe that I would understand from my own shortcomings? Everyone believes I am so wise, but would I have gained such wisdom if I hadn't had to fight against myself and accept my own limitations?"

Yoruichi sighed. Of course he was right…because he was Ukitake, the most patient shinigami in Seireitei and the man who proved his wisdom by gently challenging others to rethink their positions rather than bluntly asserting his opinions.

"Senpai…"

"Ah, Yoru-chan..." Jushiro smiled the brilliant smile that dazzled nearly everyone he graced it with. Yoruichi also knew that he was doing it deliberately to distract her from the conversation…sneaky bastard.

She stood up and stretched lazily. Turning to look at her old friend, she realized Shunsui had been right. Jushiro was different, and it scared her to think of life without his calm presence. Kisuke had said a change in reiatsu was good, but he was up against Unohana, Yama-ji and Shunsui. Though she knew better, she'd hedge her bets with the majority. Kisuke was the only true optimist.

Looking back she saw Jushiro still smiling brightly, his reiatsu soothing and sturdy, and for an unbelievable instant, Yoruichi felt herself overcome with Kisuke's optimism.

Yoruichi stared out over the pond for a moment before she sighed. "Shinji and the others would like to see you sometime…they're still kind of angry with everything."

"I would be too…I am angry on their behalf. I wish you had felt you could come to me with everything, Shunsui and I could have helped on this side." Jushiro sighed tiredly and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Eh, we were desperate and running, there wasn't enough time and we knew Aizen would eventually reveal his hand. Besides, everything changed again with the war. With Central 46 rebuilding, it should be natural that Kisuke, Tessai, and the Vizards can all come home. Kisuke predicted everything, including Shinji and the others turning the tide. Perhaps you can convince the newbies to support their return." Yoruichi sighed again before waving and disappearing into the evening as Jushiro sat quietly and finished the last of his tea long until the sun went down.

* * *

Shunsui lazily counted the emerging stars while lying on his back on the roof. Nanao had been particularly adorable that evening and had only scolded him a few times for disappearing on her and then neglecting any of the duties she had lined up for him upon his return.

Yoruichi sat beside him in her cat form, having sought him out after she left the thirteenth division. She had felt restless and wanted some company who would understand her mixed emotions.

"Shunsui, I think he's got a martyr complex." Yoruichi's oddly masculine voice complained as he sipped idly at his sake.

"Yar yar, Yoruichi, he can be stubborn, ne? Especially when he smiles." Shunsui chuckled lightly as he imagined every expression Jushiro gave in his earlier conversation with the Goddess of Flash. He wasn't surprised that Jushiro again refused any help but he had been caught off guard when Jushiro confessed his fears of being healthy. Leave it to the martyr to want to suffer endlessly.

"Stubborn yes, and distracting. At least I know what he's doing now when he gives _that_ smile." Yoruichi stretched her mouth into a toothy grin with her paws, sending Shunsui into a full bellied laugh. He ruffled Yoruichi's fur as she swatted at his big hand in irritation. Sitting up he refilled his bowl and pulled his kimono closer at the sudden chill in the air.

"Yes, it is quite dazzling." Shunsui murmured as the smile faded from his eyes. He wanted to check in on his friend to make sure he was ok but he knew the frail captain wouldn't appreciate Shunsui hovering over him like a nurse. He had enough caretakers with those two blasted third seats hovering like nervous hens. Suddenly Shunsui was very tired, he wanted to either drink himself into a stupor or go see Jushiro. Considering he already crossed out the latter option, he downed his bowl and sat up to pour another.

"Well. I see what your plans are for the night." Yoruichi stated somewhat caustically as she eyed the ever decreasing bottle. "You should just go to him, he'd listen to you more than us. I'm afraid we may be running out of time." Yoruichi's voice trailed off sadly as she gazed at her old friend. When Shunsui continued to nurse his bottle, Yoruichi left silently, her exasperation evident.

"I'm such a fool, albeit usually a happy fool." Shunsui said softly to himself. He didn't like the melancholic feeling of drinking alone, but there was no one to share his misery with. "Sadness is but a passing feeling in this world of ours. A soul never really dies, it just moves on." Shunsui emptied the bottle and reached for another, knowing that haste could make up for lack of volume. He tilted the bottle back and drained nearly half its contents without sputtering, his hat tipping back in the process. Sighing Shunsui wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand before turning to gaze at the stars above.

"It doesn't really matter does it? I waste all of this energy trying to figure out how to fix things and the damn man doesn't want fixing. How am I supposed to be okay with that?" Shunsui took another gulp from the bottle, his insides starting to burn nicely as the sake began to take effect. He took off the hat that now hung around his neck and shrugged out of the pink kimono and haori, his large frame looking diminished in the pale light as he slumped over and studied the bottle in front of him. "I hate…feeling helpless."

Shunsui angrily emptied the remaining contents of the bottle before reaching for the last one he had brought to the roof. Fed up with his own ramblings, Shunsui decided to just drink until he ran out of breath. After about halfway through, he felt his nose start to burn as his eyes began to water but he knew from experience with Rangiku that he could finish without breaking if he focused.

"That doesn't seem very wise, Shunsui."

The big man froze, hoping that the booze had addled his mind enough to start hearing things. Slowly he finished the bottle before gently setting it down beside the other two. Wiping his mouth carefully, he leaned back to look up at the stars again, choosing to ignore the voice that had just intruded on his personal therapy.

"Are you finished?"

"For now I s'pose." Shunsui folded his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. His mind felt nicely fuzzy and if he could just let himself sink into the darkness, he could escape that damn voice.

"Do you want to kill yourself?"

Shunsui was irritated now. He forced himself to stay still as his mind snapped an angry retort at the calm, slightly amused voice. Instead, he remained silent, hoping that he'd be left alone to sleep off his buzz.

Suddenly, Shunsui felt strong hands pulling him up and balancing him against a slender body. Groaning, he tried not to inhale the fresh scent of lavender and the sea as he desperately willed the object of his anguish away. He felt his traitorous body move on its own accord in step with his support and without warning he was lifted and shunpo'd to his front door.

"Thanks for getting me home…I can manage the rest." Shunsui slurred slightly in an attempt to rid himself of his unwanted support.

"Shunsui…get inside." The soothing voice was becoming irritated and Shunsui found himself obeying instinctively. He moved unsteadily to his futon, managing to kick off his waraji on the way. As he was about to crash face first onto the mattress, he felt strong arms wrap around his waist from behind and hold him up steadily.

"Why do you feel helpless?" The voice asked softly in his ear, sending shivers down his spine and heat straight down his belly, pooling into a slow and irresistible burn. Bowing his head, Shunsui opened his eyes to see long silken strands of white spilling over his shoulder. Carefully, he fingered the soft tresses as his vision inexplicably blurred. Turning, Shunsui finally looked at the person who intruded on his solitary evening, half-drunk eyes full of frustration and accusation.

"Are you checking up on me?" Shunsui asked reproachfully as he spun around in Jushiro's arms, a little upset that he had sought him out and found him in this state. Instinctively Jushiro took a step back, giving the big man some space to regain his composure.

"No Shunsui, I wanted to see you." Jushiro replied calmly, his arms falling to rest at his sides. He was wearing a crimson yukata that contrasted starkly against his pale skin and white hair. It made Shunsui think of blood, blood spilled on the battle field, blood in the bath water the night before, blood coughed up for no known reason. He couldn't stand the sight of the color and he squeezed his eyes shut, blocking out Jushiro's concerned gaze as folded his arms across his chest defensively.

"Is there something you needed? I would have thought you'd want to be in your own division resting after last night's….incident." Shunsui felt Jushiro stiffen across the empty space between them and felt immensely guilty at reminding his friend of his recent bout of illness and for being unusually surly. For a moment he thought Jushiro would just leave, realizing that Shunsui was drunk and being difficult.

However, Shunsui felt Jushiro's reiatsu reach out to brush softly against his moments before the beautiful man grabbed him by the hair and yanked his head down, crushing his lips with an intensity that startled and instantly aroused Shunsui. Groaning, Shunsui wrapped a thick arm around Jushiro's back and fisted his hand in the snowy hair, his body molding itself against the smaller man. Hungrily he nipped at the full lower lip and probed into the sweet mouth that parted easily for him. Any moment Jushiro would realize what he was doing and pull away, erecting the unseen wall between them that always slammed down at these moments, but Shunsui was shocked when Jushiro only deepened the kiss. Quickly, Jushiro began pulling at Shunsui's shihakushou, fingers expertly tracing various scars on the broad, exposed shoulders.

Groaning, Shunsui pulled back, wondering what was causing this unexpected eagerness from the normally reluctant captain. While part of him wanted to see how far Jushiro would go on his own, a greater part of him secretly hoped that Jushiro had finally stopped fighting against him in his mind.

Unable to stop himself, Shunsui pressed against Jushiro, his cock springing to life and demanding attention as the beautiful captain tore his mouth away to litter kisses along his jaw. He ground his hips against his lover and forcefully tore the dreadful fabric off the pale, alabaster shoulders. Kissing him roughly, Shunsui blindly stepped backwards, pulling the slender captain with him, their bodies entangled.

Abruptly, Jushiro pulled away, his breathing ragged and his eyes slightly wild. Standing only in his hakama, Shunsui wanted to scream in frustration as he saw the white haired man shake his head slightly.

"Don't do this to me Jushiro." Shunsui muttered raggedly, angry that he was half drunk, half naked and tight with need.

"Shunsui…" Jushiro's voice sounded odd, but Shunsui refused to face him.

Jushiro moved towards him slowly, cautiously, as one would approach a large predatory animal and carefully reached out to untie Shunsui's obi. Surprised, Shunsui's startled eyes flew to his lover who was already kneeling in front of him and easing his hakama off.

"Jushiro-" Suddenly all coherent thoughts fled Shunsui's mind as Jushiro's hot, wet mouth slid over the tip of his cock. Gasping, Shunsui closed his eyes and clenched his hands into fists, willing his trembling body to stay still as Jushiro slowly, inch by agonizing inch slid down the length of his shaft.

Tentatively, Jushiro reached up to grasp Shunsui's hips, steadying the big man's trembling legs as he gave in willingly with a groan. Shunsui couldn't help but thrust shallowly as Jushiro's throat opened to take more of him, swallowing reflexively on deeper thrusts. Whimpering slightly, Shunsui wrapped his fists in the silky hair and tugged unconsciously as Jushiro sucked hard at the tip and deftly tongued the leaking slit.

Achingly hard, Shunsui managed to move his hands to grasp his lover by the arms and pull him up into a searing kiss, all bruising lips, sharp teeth and probing tongues, the salty taste of precum intoxicating. Pulling away and gasping, Jushiro's fingertips trembled slightly as he ran them lightly along Shunsui's ribs, watching in fascination as the muscles involuntarily quivered beneath his touch. After a few moments, Shunsui grabbed the calloused fingers to stop their teasing, waiting for his lover's gaze to lift and meet his, the normally open brown depths shuttered and strange.

Slowly, Jushiro turned his hand in Shunsui's much larger one, raising them to his lips where he softly kissed their intertwined fingers. Instantly Shunsui groaned as the skilled tongue flicked out over his fingertips, making his cock twitch as he watched Jushiro's cheeks hollow out as he suckled on the first two digits. After a few seconds, Shunsui reclaimed his fingers and slowly trailed his thumb down Jushiro's back, smiling as the pale man shivered beneath his touch. When he reached the base of his spine, Shunsui paused briefly to kiss Jushiro passionately. As his tongue probed and entered the seam of Jushiro's mouth, Shunsui's still wet fingers gently massaged and probed at the tight entrance, pushing in without warning and increasing the slight pressure until the ring of muscle finally relented.

Jushiro's entire body went rigid as he momentarily fought Shunsui's invasion, his breathing ragged as he closed his eyes in an effort to relax. Shunsui pushed Jushiro's long hair over his shoulder, placing soft kisses along his collar bone and up his neck, gently nibbling on the sensitive shell of his ear as he felt Jushiro relax into him. Slowly, Shunsui began to move, small circular motions as he took his time to let Jushiro get used to the building sensation. Scissoring his fingers, Shunsui gently prepared his lover, pausing before he pushed in a third finger, his other hand wandering maddeningly close to Jushiro's own erection but careful not to touch.

Unconsciously, Jushiro began pressing backwards into Shunsui's hand in an effort for relief, his soft moans growing more urgent as he gripped Shunsui's arms. Without warning, Shunsui pulled out and quickly turned to grab the small bottle of oil on the nightstand, well aware of Jushiro's distressed whimper as the mounting pressure suddenly abated. Shunsui efficiently poured a few drops of oil onto his hand and quickly slicked his length, pausing to catch Jushiro's heavy lidded gaze.

"God you're beautiful." Shunsui murmured, surprised by the emotion behind the words. He wanted nothing more than to push Jushiro on his back and make love to him until he couldn't see straight and Jushiro reluctantly and stubbornly let himself escape briefly from his recently self-imposed celibacy. Their last few times together were hard and fast and thoroughly without anything more than was absolutely necessary to release the mounting tension. Jushiro's increasing distance put a strain on their relationship as well as their friendship as Shunsui finally noticed that the beautiful man was turning himself into a damn monk. Maybe it was the sudden scare of Jushiro's recent attack or maybe it was Shunsui's mood from drinking without the usual crowd, but the lonelier part of him wanted to demand that Jushiro stay with him tonight, to enjoy the sex, and to forgive him for being everything disappointing.

Instead, Shunsui grabbed Jushiro's hips tightly and carefully pushed him down onto the mattress, hooking one hand under his knee and pulling the lean body to the edge. Kneeling down, Shunsui positioned Jushiro's leg over his shoulder and guided the tip of his shaft to Jushiro's quivering entrance. Closing his eyes, Shunsui gripped the pale, narrow hips and slowly thrust into his lover, groaning softly as he heard Jushiro's quick intake of breath as he sank in fully. Slowly, Shunsui pulled out before thrusting back in, this time a little faster and more deliberate. Jushiro bit his bottom lip in an effort to suppress another moan, his lids heavy as he looked up at Shunsui, his eyes fully dilated with desire.

"More Shunsui, faster…faster!" Jushiro rasped urgently as his hands clawed at the mattress below him. Gritting his teeth, Shunsui thrust faster, fire burning through his veins as he watched Jushiro's body stiffen with mounting tension. For a few moments, Shunsui could only stare at the man below him, his head thrown back recklessly and snowy hair splayed out, his eyes glazed over as waves of want and need washed over him. Shunsui ran his hands along Jushiro's chiseled torso, lean muscles straining as the pale man strained under Shunsui's deliberate pace. Reverantly, Shunsui caressed the long legs with his rough hands, reaching up to cup the muscular calf resting against his shoulder and gently pressing the side of his face against the long shin as he groaned with pleasure.

"I…please now…" Jushiro pleaded softly as Shunsui immediately pulled out, gasping for breath as Jushiro quickly repositioned himself on his knees and elbows, pressing his cheek into the mattress as he angled his hips up enticingly. As Shunsui pushed back in, Jushiro cried out as the new angle positioned Shunsui to hit the small bundle of nerves with unerring accuracy. Pressing his fist to his mouth, Jushiro bit down on his knuckles to stifle the moans as Shunsui continued to pound away, the muscles around his shaft quivering and tightening as they both strained for release. Hearing Jushiro's erotic cries spurred Shunsui to thrust faster, past experience revealing that the gentle captain did not care for gentle sex.

Feeling his own orgasm beginning to unfurl, Shunsui finally reached down to wrap his warm hand around Jushiro's hard length, causing them both to cry out as Shunsui roughly pressed against the weeping slit. In contrast to his own hard thrusts, Shunsui stroked Jushiro with his calloused sword hand at a maddeningly slow pace. A strangled sob escaped Jushiro as Shunsui thrust particularly hard, hitting the bundle of nerves and giving a few quick jerks with his hand that sent the slender captain into violent tremors as he finally found the release he so desperately sought. The erotic sounds and reflexive tightening sent Shunsui hurtling over the edge despite his best efforts to resist as he grabbed narrow, ivory hips and pushed through his release, holding on as if he would lose his very soul if he did not anchor himself against the physical and emotional sensations that threatened to overwhelm him.

Crying out hoarsely, Shunsui collapsed over his lover, sucking in air as the blood rushed in his ears, deafening and exhilarating. After a few interminable seconds, Shunsui groaned softly and pulled out of his lover and rolled over on his side, pulling the slender captain with him and engulfing him in his arms.

Jushiro was panting softly, his eyes closed and his face peaceful as he relaxed in Shunsui's loose embrace. As Shunsui came down from his high and his breathing evened out he cracked one eye open to look at the man resting lightly on his chest.

"Jushiro, stay with me tonight?" He asked softly, not wanting to ruin the blissful moment but dreading the moment when Jushiro moved away with a friendly smile and a gentle, chaste kiss to dress and return to his own division.

Realizing he had been holding his breath, Shunsui slowly exhaled, moving his head to try and see Jushiro's face. Hearing a soft but audible snore, Shunsui laughed softly, trying not to jostle the exhausted captain as he wrapped his arms around him protectively. Whatever issues that lay unspoken between them, Shunsui was confident that things would work themselves out.


End file.
